OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – A civil union judge has authorized a 27-year-old woman’s request to enter a legally-binding marriage with her pet cat.
When initially filing for a license at the circuit court level, the woman was denied. “They tried to tell me I am not allowed to marry my pet despite there being no law stating I couldn’t specifically marry a cat,” the woman told reporters. “When they realized I found a loophole, they said I can’t marry him because he’s nine, three years shy of the Oklahoma marriage age. When it reached the CU judge, he threw that out because nine in cat years is 63 for a human, the judge’s own age. He even told me one of his girlfriends is in her late 20’s like me, so there’s nothing weird or creepy about it.”
The woman has already made plans for the wedding and has picked out her bridesmaids. “Since I do not have any friends, I’m going to have five pink Dell laptops streaming different muted episodes of The Mindy Project on Netflix. Because I believe in traditional values, I’m going to take Mr. Whiskers’ last name. Everyone at work has been calling me Mrs. Whiskers before he was even born so it’s purrfect. We will be so happy together. He will never be able to swipe-left on me because he has no thumbs.”